vicks vapor rub

im in love with illusion

so saw me in half.

just stuff.

Lets see, its Monday.
Yesterday was Sunday and i slept all day because I just couldn't muster up anything to do. Id try, but id fail. So I did some dishes. Watched some Seinfeld. But some how when i was watching the feld my DVD player came unplugged, and my remote is broken so if i i wanted to start at episode 3 again id have to watch one and two all over because the DVD player itself has no skip buttons, who would do that!? So i got pissed off and slept on my couch in spite of the DVD player, and besides, i just couldn't do anything for the life of me. I called my mom earlier and she said she felt the same way too. So i didn't feel so bad. I eventually switched my schedule at GVSU for the winter semester so i didn't have 3 Eng classes. Anyhow I had a dream I was in my home town and I was driving cars that would drive themselves, but not in a good way. I woke up around 9 and went over to Adam's to cut some hairs, but Rubin had to cancel because he wanted to see 007, but i cut Adams hair later. i also got some checkers, witch is the only food i have ate that didn't come out of a can in about 2 days now. lots of corn from a can lately. Then at around 1 am i moseyed on over to my place that was about 50degrees at this point and I started watching some stupid TV, and getting music off an external hard drive and onto my computer. So round about 4am I decided Id try to sleep, but i had this uneasy feeling that if i left my room I would see demons ( from watching that damn ghost show "A Haunting" way too much) So every time i had to pee i ran to the bathroom trying not to look down the hall. yeah, i am a huge dork. Then i just laid in bed with my hands all clammy because i was just so nervous about these demons. Then at 6am the damn radiator in my bathroom starts going off. Its starts with a series of loud thuds, like someone is hitting it with a hammer, and the only someone i can imagine doing that is that fucking demon. Then the radiator sounds as if its breaking off the wall and turning into some sort or radiator spider that will kill all in its path with a silk string of steam. And of course NOW i have to pee again, oh man, i HAVE to face it, i feel like Kevin in home alone going down stairs to THAT monster. I go in un-armed and do my business, it hisses at me a little and threatens me with its loud thuds, I kick it with my heal and then run back to bed. Still having no real sleep i try to bundle up burrito style, the best there is turn Seinfeld back on and finally get a little peace, until 7 when the radiator is on a rage again. Oh c'mon. So i dig deeper into this blanket burrito and finally get some sort of sleep while the sun is coming out. Because everyone knows it finally safe to sleep when the sun starts peeking out. So here i am still tired, a little hungry, and i have to shower and goto work.
the end

compton kids

My friend at work once told me my fashion was like Compton, but more like Compton kids
these are the Compton kids,

It hasn't even started and I hate it already.

Winter,
You make me want to run away. You make everyone sad because you eat up all the sunlight and make us all cold. You make me lazy because i have to bundle under 2 huge blankets just so i dont freeze my face off. Your a jerk and you never know when to leave. yeah sometimes your kinda pretty, but sometimes your snow and ice on the road, and you kill people. Sometimes you make a 2 inch sheet of ice over my wind shield that takes at least 20 min to break off. You make snot freeze under peoples nostrils, but i'll let that go its kinda funny. Oh and i like it when i see some ass hole fall and slip on ice, but i cant ever laugh until I know they are ok, and by that time its not funny anymore, unless you think of it the next day. Sometimes I slip and fall and thats kinda funny, unless it hurts way too much. One time your freezing gust of wind slammed my car door into my face, you ass hole, that really hurt. Oh and that slushy stuff is so gross when im just trying to wear some 1/2 normal shoes and you seep that dirty piss slush into MY shoes. Sick. Then it get on the bottom of my pant legs. Then by the 2nd month you have been around everyone i know seems to be going wacky because we have all been cooped up in our homes, with no light. Every ones skin is all flaky and dry and peeling off, leaving dead skin flakes all over. Winter your just so gross. ill have to vacuum twice as much now. Plus wake up earlier to get to work or school on time. Well your coming and i cant stop you. But I just wanted to tell you that your an ass hole. but sometimes pretty.

oh werd?

So I talked to my mom and she said. OK. She said she was proud of my decision. Pretty nuts. I was real surprised. So now Im going back to school at Grand Valley. I just have to get some loans and financial aid and get some classes. Yeah Im pretty f-ing excited.

This is it.

Today I was sitting at my dead end job at directions in research and I just wanted to leave. I mean, yes, its a job, an easy, decent paying job that I am lucky to have considering how hard it is to even have a job in MI. I was just thinking for the millionth time, what am I doing with my life? Not just now, but where do I expect to get working this job.
I thought about why I am not doing hair. Current reason is that my last job as stylist didn't pay well. And then I thought even if i did get a nice job in a salon, Its hard to have any benefits as a stylist, and once you loose any good looks you may have had your considered washed up. I mean I do enjoy doing hair, but i feel like I was meant to do something a little more rewarding.
As some may know I did go to Grand Valley for 2 years already and I was leaning toward education. Ever since I was little I wanted to be an artist, obviously that plan went no where. But my second choice was writing or education. So I wanted to be a language arts teacher and that's what i was going to school for at Grand Valley for for 2 years. After being out of school for going on almost 3 years I have decided its time to go back. I wouldn't say I have wasted the past 3 years I just really found out what I DON'T want to do, and that is work a dead end job with no hope for my future. I want to go back to school and do what I wanted to do in the first place. I realize this will mean never ending debt for the rest of my life, and that there is NO guarantee that I will get a job as a teacher. BUT whats the worst case scenario? I end up right where I am now.
So I have to talk to my parents about this. And I am almost positive the response wil be something around the lines of "Well your cousin went to school to be a lawyer and now she works at red lobster" and I will say something around the lines of " Well in all honesty I dont see how going back to school is going to be a negative choise" and Im sure my parents will be pissed of and think Im making the wrong decisn. But I am not going to wonder the rest of my life what I could have done.

What do you think?

stress

i hate stress. it ruins everything. and its all just one big circle that makes it almost impossible to break out of.
i just want it all to wipe away and be able to have things be new again.
and no matter how hard im trying. the stress and tension is kicking my ass.

fuck you stress, go eat a turd burger.

I want my life back and i want to be happy.