Ralph Fucking Maccio

lets see. im pretty sure no one really reads this. i even forgot about it. im just gong to let my brain take this one over. a lot of rambling and ranting. lets see lets see. man man in my ears . future on my mind. been having a hard time sleeping lately. been broke, only cuz im getting my own place soon. when i do sleep i have fucked up dreams. i have never had sex dreams really. usually masturbating dreams but not sex, but latley its been fuck city in my dreams its disturbing. usually its my guy friends who i dont like that way, and when i wake up i just feel like a total weirdo. one time it was the youngest son from weeds and i had to explain to his mom that i didnt mean to. lol. i guess at 25 you become a cougar. so yeah really fucked up dreams besides that. but i dunno. like i said i have never had sex dreams really. they kind of weird me out. I also have dreams about mass murders, usually very gory. thoes dont bug me as much. Lets see lets see. i feel like in the last year i have changed alot, i feel like a lot of it was me going backwards and giving up a lot of responsibility. just not giving a fuck. had a couple relationships and realized i just can do relationships. so i have been single for a bit and trying to focus on myself. then i realized how fucked up i was becoming lol. too much drinking and too much not giving a fuck ended me up in a place i dont wanna be, but i noticed it, and im workin on it. tryin to keep my hands busy and not drink. its hard to do though. i like to see people. people are at the bar. the bar is for drinking. so usually i take a week and dont go. i watch seasons of tv shows instead. all 5 seasons of weeds in 2 weeks not too fuckin bad. but after that time i end up at the bar all over again. but, like i said im still just trying to break these patterns. im also actaully feeling good. happy. content i guess. i always have a list of things to do but somehow never seem to do them. i sleep alot because i dont like to get out of bed. i like to sleep. and i have nothing i HAVE to do. so i sleep.